Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Wrong Sex

A lot of things have me shaking my head lately and wondering what is going on. The latest is a story about a couple who abandoned their twins because the babies are "the wrong sex."

Yep, they had girls. Clearly, this couple has cultural and psychological issues that I will not even attempt to figure out. I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. What makes me crazy is that this is not the first time the "wrong sex" discussion has come up.

I see it in friends who "try for a boy," only to end up with a third girl. I see it in people with two children of one sex who say they would like to have another, but don't want to end up with another of the same sex. I see it in the wife of a friend who said she could never have a daughter in the house because she wouldn't want the competition. (Yeah, she actually said that to the mother of twin girls.)

Clearly, these people didn't work very hard to have children. For those of us who struggled with multi-year science projects, a child -- boy or girl -- is a miracle. Sometimes I think it should be harder to have children. Maybe they would appreciate what a tremendous gift each child is if they had to work harder to conceive him/her.


tashabud said...

Shari, long time no see. I'm glad to see you here. I understand that having twins and a full time job do not give you a whole lot of time to visit others, so thank you for taking the time to come by.

About your husband, I know what he must be feeling and going through right now. To me, turning 50 is quite a traumatic experience, psychologically. Right now, he needs a lot of TLC from you.

This story is so sad. I hope those twins will be blessed with a good family--a loving and caring family--who'll adopt them. I'm so mad at that couple right now. I hope God will not grant their wish to have a son or sons.

Thanks again for visiting my blogsite.

Julie K said...

Did you see the age of the parents! Mother 59 and Father 72. They went to India for IVF since they weren't candidates due to their age in Britain. I hope they do not try again and that the girls are adopted into a loving home.

I agree with you, I see friends/acquaintances struggling with the decision to have another child... they have two of the same sex and don't want necessarily want a third. If asked, my recommendation is not to have another child unless you're really excited about having a 3rd one of the same sex OR adopt (if the 'right' sex is SO important).

I'm blessed and thankful to have one son. I would have welcomed a gaggle of only girls or a brood of only boys if fate had dealt me a set of different cards. Once you've faced the despair of potentially no children you realize what is important and that there are many ways to make a family.

By my definition, family isn't who is 'blood-related' to you. It's how you relate to those you love.

Dawn said...

I think that couple is the exception to the rule when it comes to people who wish they could have a child of the opposite gender than what they have.

I lost two babies to miscarriage, one very early, but one right at 12 weeks. The second one was a girl which we learned from genetic testing following the m/c.

I now have two beautiful sons and I adore them and I am glad I have them and would never want to trade them for a girl. But at the same time, I feel a sense of loss and sadness over the fact that as a mother, a woman, I will never know or get to experience a mother/daughter relationship.

Mothers and daughters relate throughout their lives in ways that sons and mothers can't. Once a son marries, he doesn't need his mom in the same way a daughter needs her mom to share experiences with and be there for her throughout her life.

I lost my mother before I had kids, so maybe part of my feelings relate to not having a mother/daughter relationship in any way.

We can't afford three children and I'm pushing 40 anyway so I wouldn't want to try if we could. But, I do think about all the experiences I won't share in with a daughter that my friends with girls will.

I know I'll have wonderful opportunities and delightful experiences with my sons and I treasure that thought and every moment with them. But, shallow or not, it pains me to think about all the things I'll miss out on by not having a daughter, too.

I think those people who are disappointed by having a son or daughter are the exception. I think most of us are thrilled with what we got, but also wish we could experience the other.

Nicki said...

The saddest one is the woman who said she'd consider a daughter competition. Its better if she doesn't have ANY children then! No child should be considered "competition" against a parent... thats sort of sick, isn't it!

Beth said...