Junior High Dance Rehearsal

Out in our backyard there was a Junior High Dance rehearsal going on. It didn't involve music or party dresses. It involved those "what's your name" moments.

Our girls and a neighbor girl were playing when three little boys visiting the house next door came into the back yard. These boys are the neighbors' grandchildren and we have seen them before. Sometimes we come home and find them playing in our yard, which is fine with us because we have the play set and toys for kids their age. Plus, their grandfather helped us move all the parts to our play set, so we feel like he's a partner in the project.

This time, though, the girls stood in our yard and the boys stood in their grandparents' yard. They all stared at each other like they had never played together on our play set.

The questioning was simple. What's your name? How old are you? What grade are you in? We're going to play cars. Do you like to play cars? It was pretty funny to watch the awkward dance of information being passed across an imaginary line. The two lines never got too close to each other. They stood close enough to hear each other, but only if they all spoke loudly.

It reminded me of the junior high school dances where the boys line up on one side and the girls line up on the other. They are not quite sure how to make the first move to dance.

I laughed as I said to my husband, "The boys next door are checking out our girls." He turned around and didn't say a word, but kind of rolled his eyes. I just said, "Welcome to your future honey."

To Test or Not To Test

I have read a lot about genetic testing. I don't know what I would do if a doctor ever presents the idea. Until today, I never knew anyone else faced with the decision.

My college roommate called this morning practically hysterical. She babbled on about a mutual college friend whose brother and his 14-year-old daughter were both recently diagnosed with colon cancer. This caused my to skip a breath. It wasn't just the idea that a 14-year-old had colon cancer. It was the thread this news extended.

This news follows our friend's battle with ovarian cancer and her sister's death earlier this year from colon cancer. Her mother battled several types of cancer before passing many years ago. The most devastating news followed. The oncologist suggested the family had a genetic pre-disposition for colon cancer. The brother's children were genetically tested for colon cancer and all three carry the gene. Many years ago our friend had an infant who died at about nine months. At the time it was called Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Today, for the first time, we wondered out loud if it was really undiagnosed cancer.

What I cannot stop thinking of now is what do they do with the news? This is the dilemma that genetic testing creates, isn't it? Yes, they now know to be careful and test more often. They also know that no one in the family has ever survived cancer for more than a few years.

I cannot stop thinking about the brother's wife. A few weeks ago, she was living with her true love and three children. I don't know them well, but they seemed like an average, middle-class family. Now she is faced with the very real possibility that she will bury her husband and all three children. How does she process this?

The brother already announced that the odds are not good he will survive five years. His goal is to watch his eldest (the 14-year-old with colon cancer) graduate from high school. He is trying to figure out the best way to use his remaining time.

I don't dare think about how the 14-year-old handles this. Or how her siblings feel knowing they are genetically pre-disposed to the same fate. I realize they might not end up with the disease, but given the family history, it's not very likely.

I realize we don't know what tomorrow will bring or how much time any of us will spend on this earth. I think our time is always too short, whether you are my 93-year-old Grandmother or a 14-year-old girl. For me it's how we spend each day that determines the quality of our lives, no matter how long. And, I struggle with how I would spend each day knowing my genetic destiny.

I would like to think I would take the opportunity to find out my genetic pre-dispositions so I could try everything in my power to change my future for the better. A big part of me thinks that I might just prefer to take things as they come because I'd rather just do my best to live a healthy, happy life each day than worry about something I cannot control. My genes are not something I can change, so why worry?

Of course, I haven't been faced with the type of life-altering illness that faces our friend and her extended family. For now I'm just going to keep praying that they all find the strength to face their future with all the happiness and joy they can find.

My Life as a Spelling Bee Contestant

Our girls are learning to read. They made the connection between letters and words, so now they understand that you can put letters together to make words. At first I thought this was so cute. Now I feel like I live in a never-ending spelling bee.

Every day we spell new words. And, I have to explain the whys and hows of spelling. Have you every really thought about the English language? It's really a bit of a screwed up mess.

Today I had to explain why there is a PH in elephant and not an F. I had to explain why there is an "i" in receive. We talked about the silent "e" at the end of words as a signal that the vowel should be said with a long vowel sound.

I have to spell words in my head before I say them out loud. I realize how dependent I am on spell check's magic. Many, many times a day I question my ability to spell an every day word with an unusual spelling. This is in part because I don't thnk about how to spell these words too often and in part because I'm usually doing something like merging into traffic or stirring something on a hot stove when the girls decide to ask me to spell the complicated word.

I do realize this will help them in the long run. I know that this connection between letters and words helps them read and comprehend. I get it, really. Their preschool teacher last year thought it was so cute when the girls would ask her to spell something in class. She raved about how they remembered every word and could spell them back to her days later. I'm sure it was cute because she only had them in class three hours a day. I have them 24-hours a day. It's not so cute when it happens all day, every day.

The worst part is when I am distracted in the middle of spelling a word. Then I have to start all over again. By this time the girls are impatiently asking me to hurry up so they can ask me to spell a new word. Okay, maybe the worst part is when I have to spell a word twice because I misspelled it the first time. For days after that they girls say, "Are you sure Mom? Are you sure you spelled it correctly this time?" No, that doesn't get old too quickly.

I think this is some kind of cosmic revenge. A while back, I worked for a medical association. Whenever I ran across a new word, I would ask the doctors to "spell it, define it, use it in a sentence." I needed to figure out how to take the complicated medical word and turn it into something normal people would understand.

Now the girls are trying to figure out how to spell words and use them in sentences. Somewhere the universe is laughing.

Aladdin at Navy Pier

I have to admit that I was predisposed to like this show. I have seen several shows at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater on Navy Pier and enjoyed them all. The productions are always completely creative and professional. The space is just a joy for a theater enthusiast. No matter where you sit, the view is wonderful. The sound is consistent in every part of the theater. Even empty, the theater is beautiful.

With this as my base, I was excited to learn that Disney's Aladdin was playing at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater. This is not the first foray into family theater at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater, although it is the first one that seemed to fit our young daughters' interests. Sure, we know the basic story, but there is something much more exciting about seeing it as a live production.

This show has an amazing cast. I think too many people believe that family theater is filled with second-tier actors. Boy, are those people wrong. I would be excited to see these actors in an adult show, let alone a family theater production. Even before I read the playbill, I knew that Larry Yando had played Scar in the Lion King. It was his voice that sent me in that direction. Given that we saw the national touring company in Chicago at two different times, it's a good bet we saw him in that role as well.

What I really liked about the show was the adult humor. I don't mean the raunchy, late night comic-type humor. I mean the references to current events, products and people. It was thrown in as part of the regular dialogue, so the children laughed as well -- but for a different reason. The show referenced Prince, bab ganoush and snuggies. There were also great quotes with a twist such as "Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what you can do for me." Each reference was accompanied by silly stuff for the children, but the parents were laughing like it was an inside joke between the director and the adults.

As with all good family theater, Aladdin had a bit of movement through the audience and an opportunity for the audience to interact with the performers. Even though the show was just a bit more than one hour, the director recognized that children have short attention spans.

A personal bonus was that the Chicago Shakespeare Theater validated our parking so we received a healthy discount. I think it was 40%, but my math isn't always reliable. This made the show a good way to anchor an afternoon on Navy Pier. After the show we walked around enjoying the free dockside entertainment and munching on popcorn.

Our girls sat in the audience mesmerized by the show. They loved the dancing and singing. They stared at the stage until the last song ended. Then they asked if they could see it again. Yes, I think it was a hit for everyone in the family.

Bathroom Accessory Designers Must Not Have Children

I recently saw the cutest shower curtain in the Pottery Barn Kids catalogue. It is based on the Dr. Seuss book "Red Fish Blue Fish." I mean it is soooooo cute. I immediately bought it and the matching bath rug. Both are in the girl's bathroom and are as cute as I had hoped.

We painted the room blue to freshen the whole look, then I decided it would be fun to get a new bathroom cup and soap holder. This was when I realized that the people who design bathroom accessories do not have children. And, the companies that market this stuff must be crazy.

Have you looked for bathroom cups lately? First of all they are stupidly expensive. Secondly, they are ceramic. Yes, someone sitting in an office decided it was a good idea to make children's bathroom cups in a breakable material. Duh!

I wasn't looking at the high end cups in high end stores. I was looking at the obviously-meant-for-a-child's bathroom stuff in a chain store known for its designer stuff at reasonable prices. (Okay, I was at Target.) I decided this was a fluke, so I looked at Kohl's. Same result. Then I looked at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I couldn't really find anything there that looked like it was meant for kids, but what I did find was either breakable or clear plastic.

I was not looking for anything fancy. I thought a cute cup with a fish or some other sea-related decoration would be cute. Who knew I was entering the retail dead zone?

I have been in marketing long enough to know that the field is ruled by 20-somethings without children who are considered "trend setters." Okay, I get that. What I don't get is how this stuff gets to the stores without someone saying, "Hey, I think it's probably not a good idea to make stuff for small children that might break and cut them." I would have thought that if nothing else, someone in the legal department would have said, "I think we have a liability issue here."

Okay, so I am biased here. The girls have been known to drop a few things here and there, but they are only five years old. I think dropping stuff is what five-year-olds are made to do. I talk to enough other Moms that I know our girls are not the only ones dropping stuff.

So, we're keeping the perfectly usable and matches well enough plastic bathroom cup for now. I'll try again in a few years when I probably won't care if the cup is plastic or not. Of course, you know that by then plastic bathroom accessories will be trendy.

The Death Talk

One of the disadvantages of being "older" parents is we have a lot of extended family members who are old. Not in the "getting old" range, but in the 80+ years old category. No matter how you look at it, 80+ is considered old.

In the past few months, the girls lost two "Grammas." One was an uncle's 95-year-old Mom who became an honorary Gramma to the girls. She adored them like her own. This past weekend, they lost my 93-year-old Grandmother, who the girls called "Great Gram."

Our conversations about death have been general as they are only five years old. When we first tell them, they ask the usual questions about what happened, how a person dies, etc. We talk a lot about how when a person dies their heart stops, they stop breathing, etc. We never use the "they went to sleep" line. I've read enough about how that frightens the children and they really don't want to go to sleep. The blond twin can barely sleep after watching a Disney movie. Can you imagine what would happen if we told her that dying is like going to sleep?

The brunette twin talks about us dying. She wants to know when we'll die and who will take care of her then. She wants to know if it will hurt and why people die at all. She's quite practical in her approach to the topic.

The questions that follow, hours or days later, are pretty funny -- if you can call any question about death funny. Yesterday we were driving when the blond twin said, "Can we turn off the music and talk about the death thing again? Tell us again how Great-Gramma died." And, so, we did. We talked about how Great-Gramma died and what it means to die. Both twins asked a few questions and then changed the topic.

This is how it will go for a while. They ask questions as they think of them. We answer them in the most age-appropriate manner we can come up with at that moment. It's not a perfect system, but it's the best we have right now.

Waiting to See a Parade

What did we do before Internet weather radar and the Weather Channel? Our only real plan for today is to go to see a parade. The girls love parades, so we want to celebrate the Independence Day holiday by waving a flag at a parade.

But, this is Chicago, so today the weather is cool and drizzling. We haven't given up on the parade idea, yet, though because this is Chicago. Many of the area suburbs are having parades. We have lots of options, depending upon how far we want to drive. We found parades every few hours from 10:00 a.m. until 3:30 p.m. There is probably one after 3:30 p.m., but we haven't found it yet.

We did what all good planners do. We watched the Weather Channel for a bit this morning to see the forecast. We thought about going to a parade at 12:45 p.m., but it's still drizzling, so we're holding out and hoping it stops.

We wouldn't be so confident that it will stop without the Chicago Tribune weather radar. On the front page of the web site, there is a thumbnail with the current radar showing. So, we check it regularly to see which parade we are going to target.

Yeah, I know it's not exactly the way the Founding Father's celebrated Independence Day, but it is the modern version, isn't it? When is the last time you went somewhere without checking the weather? We often work our day around the weather. If it looks like it's going to rain in the afternoon, we are certain to get out in the morning. If it is raining in the morning, we check radar to see when it might stop.

Checking radar is not the most exciting way to spend Independence Day. In the end, we're going to see a parade even if it is drizzling. It will just be more fun for all of us if we're chily and dry, as opposed to chilly and wet. We're just playing the odds that we can wait out the rain/drizzle and end up with a dry flag to wave.